Unexpected number 10
Unexpected number 10
It's funny how we strive to get love from someone but can never really appreciate when we have it around. Kalpana did have someone who loved her like crazy for six damn years but she could never fit him in the frame of a partner but a best friend.
On the contrary, she kept falling for all sort of guys who found reasons but not to stay to leave. Some were months long and few years.
As far as I could remember, the last thing she could or wanted to do was to break someone's heart. In beginning of her 'teenage' she would say yes to everyone who expressed their love to her. But as soon as they started, they would end too.
Kalpana was a person who followed the saying- ignorance is bliss. Not that she wanted to ignore things around but for her, except people who were close to her, no one really mattered.
She was one naive girl whose childhood was not a bliss for her and adulthood, well that was too adult.
She was dumped many times but every time she would end up being emotionally hurt, much more than before.
She dumped 2-3 guys too but unlike others she blamed herself for it.
She was a lover with no boundaries. Yeah, boundaries were broken in a little harsh way but then she was a strong hearted woman, she moved past all.
For people it was unbelievable that she was a Virgin all through her so many relationships.
She had someone to always rely on, Anand. He stood with her, without any judgements or inhibitions. He would turn world upside down for her but poor guy was friend zoned. Of course they both had their own troubles since Anand wanted to attract attention of Kalpana and she could not give him what he aspired for. He left her for a brief time to make himself comfortable with the fact that Kalpana is never going to love him back and came back as a friend but how can one stop from showing affection? Well, he still struggles with it.
She tried, she did!
Anyway, soon she started to work. It was second year of her career as a reporter with an esteemed company in media during which she met a guy named Aditya through a common friend and then started an unexpected journey.
Everyone knew Kalpana's capabilities of being a flirt but she considered Aditya out of his league and he considered her, well! I never got to know about his side!
They often met each other alone and along with friends. Exchanged numbers, conversations started to happen and sooner they both became really close.
So close that one fine day over Skype, she admitted that she started to have a physical attraction towards this guy.
Kalpana: "I don't want to say this but I think I feel physically attracted to you."
Aditya: "It just can't be physical, I am sure. It's okay. it's really good to know from a girl like you."
Kalpana: "But you know, you aren't of my league. You are extremely good to be my guy."
Aditya: "Why would you say that? I like you for what you are. It doesn't matter if you have 10 or 50 relationships, you are true to me and to your own self. It's a rare quality."
Kalpana; "Thanks. Anyway, let it be"
The conversation never picked up for a week but she was so expressive about herself that she shared everything, even the naughtiest dream she had about him, with Aditya.
With a warning that he won't be serious and is not at all looking for a relationship, he asked her if she is willing to be with him.
Kalpana: "Are you sure!"
Aditya: "Yes I am but yeah be careful since I don't want a committed relationship. It should be undercover sort."
Kalpana: "Yes, understood. Even I am not looking for a relationship since I have just had a very bad experience but I won't mind trying this out."
Kalpana didn't had any idea of what she was doing. A girl of emotions, she thought she will not invest her emotions into a relationship which is casual and open.
However, this friendship was turning special. She was never treated so good, never laughed out so loud and after a long long time, felt that this guy won't turn his back on her. Unknown of her own gestures, she was failing to notice that she was falling for him.
Of course they didn't know each other well. She didn't know that he treats his friends the same way he was treating her. She was reading his gestures as a sign too.
I remember a incident she spoke to me about: he fell sick and she travelled all the way to his place to see if he feels okay and when she was about to leave, he held her from back. It was unexpected, but real.
Aditya: "I was scared to kiss. So held you . I hope you didn't mind"
Kalpana thinking to herself, "Do you think I would?"
She kept smiling all the way back home.
She was extremely fond of him. Everytime they met, she will make sure to plant a sweet kiss on his cheeks. Once she kept doing so for a long time and suddenly he turned his face making their first peck on lips happen. And it happened again, she kept smiling all the way back home.
Kalpana was a person who would give away everything for people who she loved. She never had any idea of what love is but for her loyalty was everything. And that's even sadder since every time she gave up everything, she lost a big part of herself.
She was confused that if this guy was serious or not about this relationship.
One day she asked this guy to meet up after their work. They both met at his house. Unexpected but real and beautiful, that day they kissed and made out for the very first time.
Aditya: "You are glowing!"
She blushed.
Aditya: "I must tell you, this was the best kiss ever in my life."
Kalpana: "I am glad about that. Else, people have never really loved it or complimented for it."
Aditya: "I can kiss you forever"
Kalpana thinking to herself, "Go on, who has stopped you!"
Aditya: "So, I think we are in relationship, aren't we?"
Kalpana laughed, "I think so too."
The bond between them was growing but none of them had any idea that all this was going to end on a sudden break.
As moments passed by, Aditya started to have problems with Kalpana. Everything he loved about her, started to get under the "I hate" list.
Aditya: "Why do you send me such messages!"
Kalpana: "It's just an expression. Nothing else about it. Why?"
Aditya: "I really don't like it. It makes me uncomfy. You shouldn't be this way!"
Kalpana: "You can't tell me what to be and what not to be. It is my wish. You don't want to read, don't read."
Aditya: "You force to read by texting them. Post it on your blog, if you want to express so much."
Kalpana: "Okay, don't be hyper about it. I am sorry, I'll not do it."
But It was just a start.
Aditya: "What the fuck do you want? Why do you show so much care and love? Don't you understand that I don't like it? I can't give you what you are expecting. Get that straight!"
Kalpana: "Hey wait! I never asked you anything in return. I am doing what I like. What's your problem?"
Aditya: "Don't do this! I told you I am not ready for any commitment."
Kalpana: "You will not be ready for commitment ever?"
Aditya: "I can't be. I won't be. Though future is uncertain but for now, you should just leave and we shouldn't meet and talk to each other till the time things don't go normal. It was a mistake, a huge mistake."
"Mistake? Did you really say that?" Kalpana broke into tear.
Aditya: "I didn't want to commit this sin of hurting a girl like you. Trust me, I have never felt so lucky. However, I feel unlucky too because I am getting what people wish for and I am unable to cherish it."
Kalpana: "What am I suppose to do?"
Aditya: "Just leave."
Kalpana: "I can't, I just can't."
For a week, they both didn't see a smile on each other's face. They tried to keep it simple but it was getting worse. He was getting aggressive about everything she did and Kalpana, not knowing reason behind her change, tried to find what went wrong with Aditya.
Few days passed by, Kalpana her normal self, expressing and talking to Aditya. It was 10 or 11 in the night and he called her. She picked:
Aditya: "Are you insane?"
Kalpana: "What did I do!"
Aditya: "How can you call your feelings love? Do you even know what it means? Do you know there is nothing called love and if it is, it's only our parents who love us unconditionally. You are just attracted to me for God sake! Stop behaving like a lunatic."
Kalpana: "You can't measure my feelings! I know this cannot be love but I have never been in love before to differentiate. All I know is I have very strong feelings for you."
Aditya: "I don't want you in my life! Did you hear that! I don't. Get lost, for I don't know how long."
Kalpana: "I can't. I can't let you go."
Kalpana sounded desperate to her own self. She was begging and this was second time in her life when she gave in her self-respect for a person who didn't seem to care.
Aditya: "Why are you stuck! You are hopeless! Go away."
Kalpana: "Okay, you want me to go right. Done, I am leaving. Bye."
Kalpana kept talking about why she doesn't want to leave but Aditya was not just ready to hear a word.
I never saw her like this but it wasn't the guy's fault. She read everything wrong. He made everything clear before anything could start.
Why did she wanted a relationship when she was sure that she doesn't want to be in one?
Who is at fault?
Who should be blamed?
She blocked him from everywhere- Phone, whatsapp, facebook, Instagram etc. She deleted their pictures together but unfortunately couldn't delete memories.
His words echoed in her mind. She had every reason to let go of him- but she didn't want to give up. Even she could not understand why wanted to wait and wait for what?
Not a moment he was away from her, she kept thinking about him, unblocked and blocked him for several times. And finally on day 4, she shot a mail to him:
"Hey,
How've you been?
I am good (answering before you even take the pain to ask me that 😁)
Was just thinking about you. And didn't want to send this to draft as well. Anyway, take care.
Sorry for this mail.
Do not reply."
And yes, he did respond:
"Look I don't know if you believe me or not... but I Am sorry... specially for the way i reacted that day, I misunderstood the situation and was jumping to conclusions... suffice to say I was unusually cathartic in venting my frustration...and I should've been more patient... bottom line being that i had no idea I was gonna ruin even the friendship we held, amongst other things and trust me i didn't want that, since you're actually one the most truthful and humble person I've met....for which you always had my affection and respect.
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